The dirty dozen – Family life

Staci S. Wright

Final month, my website achieved the grand outdated age of 12. I just cannot pretty feel it is been all-around for so extensive – it’s a veritable digital antique now – and that I haven’t got bored of it nevertheless.

Talking of which, I may perhaps sooner or later cling up my keyboard in advance of the up coming common landmark – whilst I have no ideas to do so yet – so it makes sense to rejoice while I’m nevertheless going.

And how do you rejoice when you have composed way much too many blog posts? With a compilation article, of training course!

In excess of the yrs, I’ve protected the grim facet of parenting pretty a great deal so, without additional ado, I give you the filthy dozen.

A man wearing a surgeon-style mask holding a dirty toothpaste lid.

5 gross matters that youngsters do

I know, I know… how did I only occur up with 5? This publish addresses licking toothpaste lids, missing the rest room and ‘cleaning’ with snot rags.

It also features a pre-pandemic shot of me sporting a confront mask. Probably parenting really well prepared me for the previous pair of several years.

Zombie eye!

There are many proud firsts we rejoice as mother and father. To start with techniques, laughs and words are constantly highlights.

This article is about my initial child-induced corneal abrasion and subsequent bout of conjunctivitis. Awwww…

This is heading to drive me potty

Ugh. Toilet teaching. I’m happy we’re well outside of this grim phase. I even now feel it would have been less complicated to persuade Ghengis Khan to sit on a potty than it was with oldest.

In addition no person instructed me I was going to have to give a reside demonstration…

Five methods my young children have produced me skanky

Ah, people lovely early days. When you don’t get any snooze and inadvertently abandon your private hygiene. It is perfectly truly worth a spot in the soiled dozen.

Here’s how I finished up seeking like a cross among Wolverine and Mr Twit.

A swear box

Invasion of the swearing toddler

Another proud milestone listed here: baby’s to start with swear. We’ve all been there, ideal? But this was both a undesirable a single and my fault.

But, even if I say so myself, there was a wonderful bit of improvisation to shut it down.

That’s very well sick

Ah, our very first full-loved ones ill bug. It’s amusing how projectile vomiting is really amusing right until you are on the receiving finish of it.

It also served to verify my feelings on some modern day slang staying relatively questionable.

Mud kitchens: why?

Why on earth did my kids’ principal university make a decision to insert a mud kitchen? It was somewhat at odds with its rather rigid uniform policy.

My kids finished up searching like they’d been to Glastonbury and opposite to the famed song, mud is not fantastic for cooling the blood…

Two cartoon characters with photos of two little boys' faces superimposed on them.

Masters of farts

Any justification to Photoshop my sons as South Park’s Terrance and Phillip. But, to be truthful, they acquired it. How?

Utilizing the word ‘poo’ as punctuation, farting on need and guffawing like a pair of small children. Which, to be honest, they have been at the time.

Major discrepancies involving boys and girls? Not in our dwelling

Not to be outdone by her brothers’ exploits just before she was on the scene, youngest was fast to demonstrate that the so-referred to as discrepancies involving boys and women are nonsense.

This put up features Frozen’s Queen Elsa on a different kind of throne.

A flash-in-the-pan flashback

Spoiler notify: this is one more instance of me unintentionally instructing a person of the young children a rude phrase. And, no, inspite of being about Pancake Working day, it wasn’t ‘tosser’.

Other details of fascination incorporate a massive mess in the kitchen and a compact hearth!

A fairytale scene with characters burping and farting and the words 'The Brothers Grim' superimposed.

The Brothers Grim

All right, this one’s about rest room humour once again. But I was too amused by the flatulent fairy tale people in the major impression to leave it out.

As the title suggests, this one’s about my more mature two youngsters retelling typical bedtime stories with a faecal twist. Great.

The birds and bees with cuddly toys

Where by do toddlers come from? Of course, I know you know. But how do you demonstrate to your youthful little ones how the new toddler received there?

In a natural way, we turned to their cuddly toys. Essentially, so did they…

This concludes my exclusive soiled dozen. Many thanks for looking through. And sorry.

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